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I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

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They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

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Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

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I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

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USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

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My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

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We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

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I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

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2013/10/14 (Mon) 03:33